Get unstuck, and grow a deeper understanding of each other for a more balanced relationship, with help from a specialist.
Relationship therapy helps when:
When you’re recovering from infidelity or a betrayal
When you can’t stop fighting about “nothing”, or can’t resolve a particular argument
When you’re struggling with infertility and your relationship is suffering
When both of you are grieving a loss, but you’re each experiencing it in different ways
When there’s a big decision to make and you disagree about it
When your sex life is unsatisfying to one or both of you
When you’re not sure whether to stay married
When you’re a formerly monogamous couple thinking about exploring non-monogamy, “monogamishness”, or polyamory
Does couples therapy actually work?
Couples therapy is very effective when:
the couples’ therapist is skilled in systemic thinking and balanced interventions
both partners feel understood and respected by the therapist
and, very importantly: the couple is motivated to improve their relationship and motivated to try new strategies at home. When that motivation is missing, couples therapy can help uncover where it went, and work to bring it back so that therapy can be effective.
Sometimes, couples therapy helps people realize that they are simply not in the same place and don’t wish to reach toward one another. In those cases, therapy can help couples part ways peacefully and with clarity.
My partner doesn't want to do couples therapy; how do I convince them?
It’s not unusual for a couple to disagree about whether to try (or re-try) couples therapy. I offer two solutions for this situation:
Discernment Counseling: This is a specific, short-term protocol designed to provide a couple with clarity about whether to formally separate, or renew efforts at improving the relationship
Individual Therapy with the Motivated Partner: Your relationship is a system: a dyad. Your individual movements within that system influence how the system moves as a whole. If you change your movements, the system changes. This doesn’t mean you’re taking sole responsibility for changing your relationship — a relationship is a shared responsibility. But when your relationship is stuck, you can be a catalyst for change in that system — and perhaps get enough traction to inspire your partner to emotionally invest in couples therapy.
What is couples therapy like?
In our first session, we’ll talk about your goals — what kind of relationship you want, and what you hope to get out of couples therapy. From there, we’ll formulate a plan; there will be times when I might meet with each of you individually, and times when we all work in the room together.
Sometimes you bring in a conflict you’re having trouble resolving, and we work right there in my office to notice what’s happening when you try, and to shift those dynamics.
There’s also likely to be homework, reading, or exercises for you to try at home, depending on what’s a good fit for you.